Journey of a Broken Angel

The moment she made up her mind that she is going with determination to meet him, she did not think twice and she was eager for this divine meeting. She just couldn’t find the right words to describe the joy. I am sure every one of us have gone through experiences which we are not able to explain - sudden sense of loneliness, broken friendship, new relationship, new friendship, most of the time things we learn in school and life application is contrary to what we see or to what we do. “Take chances in life without thinking twice or even regretting it” – says the word on a well-known magazine. She took the chance with power and authority to take risks and make that decision while not even knowing his real characteristic, personality and habits. The most fundamental is the conversation both had was beautiful and truthful to each other.

The day finally came, both full with enthusiasm, optimism and above all with affection they meet. She just thank God that no criticism or resentment was between them. He introduced her to all his close friends. Show his real lifestyle as well his social interaction. Both traveled round cities, had meals, free from daily routine with no sudden changes in conservative thinking and tradition. Day passes by so quickly, both seem yet to know each other. Everything was beautiful till one juncture both deliberately spoke their mind. That led to conflicts and arguments. In a split second she realized she already lost him. Nothing could bring back whatever was built during their time together. The mistake she did crippled her dreams as well as his expectation.

Sometime when we touch, the honesty is too much. It’s so difficult to reason and accept the same as we had built our bridge from the beginning. This is how world works I guess. The day approached  for her to depart. It is the saddest moment’s to say good bye without forgiving each other completely before God. She looked at him with emotions, not holding a grudge. Diplomatically both provide explanations agreed with facts rather than sentiment. She pulls herself through and puts on a strong front, withholding her tears not wanting him to see. Saying good bye is not an easy thing in this journey. The bridge they were building was hit by a storm.

After 1 month waiting………..

With great expectation of signs and wonders to take place after departing, her heart pounding for things consign beyond her imagination. She waits for him to response still no sound of him even a small beep. She was very disappointed and lived with misery. She blamed herself for being so reserved - why did she hold on to her principles and tradition? At times things around us happen so fast we hurt the other party unknowingly.

Damage done and words said is built in his heart like a memory chip that cannot be erased. She prayed for forgiveness from God, as well as for him to accept her again. She just couldn’t stop her tears. She is wounded by him. She speaks of him fondly to all her friends and fellow colleagues but there is fear in her that she will lose him forever.

What happened to this friendship, what damage did she do, why was he reacting this way? Is it difficult to forgive someone in this century? We smiled today and tomorrow we filled our heart with hatred not wanting to see, speak or even a phone call. She did not want to give up on him easily. She knows deep within the darkest hidden heart he still misses her. She continued to pray for his safety, health and so on. Till today she misses him so much. She couldn’t tell him how much she miss him because he refused to pick up her call. It’s sad most of the time people behave in such a manner. Life is too short to wake up and regret. She wants faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. She waits on him hoping that someday he will come. Cause the greatest of all is love. Love endures forever.

After 6 months waiting………

Waiting is not an easy thing for her or even to anyone.  We just want to rush to things and get over with it.  She was miserable waiting for him to respond even though the future with him is uncertain.  Not wanting to give up easily so she pursues him. She understands a man like him with pride and dignity will find it difficult to change his stand, especially with his current status and glamorous lifestyle. On the other hand she is simple, compassionate and her pride is only Jesus.

She took this chance with courage, determination and by faith of course. She even shut the door of her friends who wants to get to know him. 

He is definitely not an easy person, arrogant and settled in his ways. Nevertheless her heart search for him. She makes a final attempt and a agreement with God. She will go the extra mile to save the relationship, if it fails; let God’s will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. People call it a gamble but to her at the end of the day her future is in Jesus hand.

People will be thinking that it is pointless to go all out for this guy. All she can say is, the day she laid her cards before God, she has faith God will not keep silent. He will work mysteriously for her. I still remember the day she prayed for a life partner. The same year he called and spoke to her. Both met on 26th March 2010. I believe her prayers are overflowing jars in heaven till now.  She set the deadline till Dec 2010. Time passes so quickly.  Today is 31st Dec 2010, a decision making day. In the church, at the eleventh hour she received a call from him. He said “next year will be a good year for both of us. I want to see you.” She told her friends and said “see its worth waiting for this man that I love dearly.” The year ended with an answer from above.

Finally……………

After sometime I am able to write again.  It’s never been easy for her after much courage and encouragement from fellow friends motivating her to press on, move on and go on. Simply “Let GO and Let GOD”. It is not an ordinary journey.

In January 16 2011, both spoke again. It was a happy moment for both.  Instantly I give thanks to God. Their friendship grew to relationship. He introduces her to his mother in less than 3 months. His mom was praying for a woman like her to this family. I was shocked to hear. Seeing his mom’s tears she just embraced her, accepted her, took her hand and both prayed together. Lovely to see both prayed in unity. His mom told him that she is like her daughter. Many good memories happened that I am unable to express. Probably as her journey goes on I will let you all know.

He uttered he will never leave her. Always will be there for her no matter what happen. Will it be true or just a fantasy? I don’t know. For a first time in my life I saw her glowing face, like a princess who found her prince. He becomes so close to her; seriously never want to let her go. One point of time she fall ill, in a crossroad don’t know where to turn to. There he was, so grateful that he stood by her, wrap around his arms never wanting to let him go. She never took time to rest. In spite of her illness she took care of his mother and sister who came from abroad.  She gave priority to his family rather than herself. Their relationship grew stronger every second. She was also invited for Easter Celebration to meet with his entire family. Though she refused to go, he wanted her to follow him to celebrate Easter. So she went with a heavy heart because it’s not her custom. Did all she could for him, his family, friends and relatives. At the end of the day all that was paid with sadness, sorrows, regrets and tears. That very moment she knew, it is the biggest mistake in her life.

Damage done cannot be corrected. Soon after Easter his mother becomes cold towards her. A week later he was cold towards her. I don’t know what went wrong. He refused to explain even she demanded for an explanation. With much persuasion he said he needed time to check from God whether she is the right person for him. It sounded untrue to my ear. She is floating like a kite unsure whether to fly on or tumble down to earth. I keep asking why this family treats her this way. She was genuine on every act. She literally took care of his mom as her own. Why he is not seeing it.!

And finally she said…..“Where do I go when hope fades away? Where is my living God, I am unable to hear his voice no longer. Hands that were holding me, left me alone. What should I do? It’s like standing in an empty land where no sign of miracles or hopes to live on. My faith fades away day by day. I spread my prayers to all around the world yet no miracles took place. All gave me negative feedback. I broke down in my humble home. Where is my God that I worship and praise? Is God on my side or his side?                             

She took a deep breath and said “I am a Broken Angel”.

Many questions are unanswered till today.  The atmosphere around her so silent and quiet, even that moment I thought, Will God speak to her.?  But God was still keeping silent.

In my mind, all I can conclude is, he and his entire family rejected the one HE sent. Yet, I do not accept my own conclusion. Doubt plays in her mind, her heart like a knife on a grinder. She hope for a proper closure to free her from this torment.